


Stop That.

by YourIdiotWriter



Series: Irons in the Fire [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-03-13 02:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3363821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourIdiotWriter/pseuds/YourIdiotWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto AU where everything is the same except everybody just tells Sasuke to “stop that” in response to pretty much everything he does. Stupid AU served with ten pounds of crack.</p><p>Kind of a joke about how Kakashi basically just slaps Sasuke on the wrist at the end of the series despite trying to kill everybody in the world like, ten times over :') Written on mobile during my commutes, so updates are short.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Getting stabbed dozens upon dozens of times from every possible angle with no escape is not what Sasuke had in mind when his team was given an escorting mission. He stumbles and bites his bottom lip to stop himself from groaning in pain, because like hell he’s going to show that kind of weakness in front of Naruto.

Haku prepares the next round, and without thinking, Sasuke moves in front of Naruto to take the hit.

He feels each and every needle pierce deep into his body, from his feet to his neck. His breaths are shallow and he can just make out Naruto’s voice calling out to him as he falls.

Sasuke’s breathing slows and his vision blurs. This is it, he thinks.

"Stop that."

Naruto’s voice cuts in, short and abrupt. Sasuke, with a half-lidded gaze, can do nothing but cling desperately to his last sliver of consciousness and says, “What…?”

"Stop—  _that._ " Naruto says again, gesturing at Sasuke’s body. "The thing you’re doing. Right now. Stop it."

Sasuke isn’t quite sure how to respond, because he doesn’t really now how to stop, you know,  _dying._


	2. Chapter 2

After too many hours trapped in a dense forest where everything is out to get you, Sasuke is tired. Some weirdo pretending to be Naruto doesn’t make it any better.

The imposter casts some unusual technique and Sasuke finds himself paralyzed. He can’t bring himself to move. Instead, his body shakes and trembles, locked in place from the technique or from fear or from both.

 _I need to move,_  he demands himself, and only by driving a kunai into his own leg does he succeed. He does so just in time to grab Sakura and bring her to safety, where he promptly collapses and throws up.

He heaves and falls back, his shaky arms keeping him from falling on his back. He looks at Sakura, who looks back at him with shock and says,

"Ew." She frowns and glances at his bile. "Stop that."

Sasuke isn’t quite sure how to respond, because he’s pretty sure that’s not the first thing you say when your crush saves your life.


	3. Chapter 3

Sasuke doesn’t realize how close he was to being disqualified until Naruto opens his big mouth and deafens the entire stadium. He made a mental note to glare Kakashi down, because he doesn’t need the jounin’s bad habit rubbing off on him.

The battle begins, and Sasuke is immediately aware that he isn’t going to have an easy time against an opponent known to have an absolute defence. It was a good thing Kakashi spent the last month training Sasuke specifically to break through it.

He runs up the side of the stadium and uses chakra to glue himself to the wall. Gaara is concealed inside his sand dome, but it doesn’t phase Sasuke. Within moments, his left hand sparks to life, and he readies himself to charge.

Tearing up the wall behind him, Sasuke sprints towards Gaara’s defence at blinding speed. The sand reaches out to attack him, but with his Sharingan, he dodges them with ease and braces himself as his hand crashes into the barrier.

When he realises something is wrong, Sasuke desperately tries to pull his hand out. The sand grips at it, but he manages, not without nearly dislocating his shoulder.

A monstrous eye looks at him through the hole and Sasuke feels his blood run cold. He braces himself for a counterattack or maybe death itself, but receives no such thing.

"Stop that," Gaara heaves, his breaths heavy from the the pain of his wound.

Sasuke isn’t quite sure how to respond, because wasn’t this guy supposed to be some sort of psychopath?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve literally written this one four times on mobile and managed to lose it every. Single. Time. So I cheated and typed this one because fUCK.

When Sasuke opens the door to find some senile old geezer and a snotty blond brat, he pauses, mildly disturbed by the fact that there is actually more than one pair who matches the description he gave to the receptionist. Without a word to either of the confused civilians inside, he slams the door shut and sprints off. He knew, beyond a doubt, that That Man is somewhere inside the inn (he could feel it in his angsty, tormented, bitter soul).

He dashes down three hallways and two flights of stairs before turning one last corner, his left hand already beginning to spark with chakra before he even truly registers That Man, or the way their eyes now mirror each other’s. There was blue-skinned individual and the snotty blond brat he had in mind, looking pathetically clueless about the situation as he always does.

Sasuke wastes not a single moment and tears through the hall, taking the doors and walls with him, but as quickly as he had closed the distance, That Man snatches his wrist out of the air and holds him in a relentless grip that’s already bruising his skin. 

The lightning wilts and fades, and Sasuke coughs painfully when he is slammed into the wall. There’s a piercing crack, and what feels like a thousand knives being stabbed into his wrist shoots down his arm and straight to his throat.

He can barely keep his eyes open, but it does not stop him from registering That Man’s presence - suffocating, antagonizing, and destructive. It’s hard to ignore.

That Man leans in close, and Sasuke braces himself for merciless taunts that knowingly strike every damn nerve, because despite his seething hatred, That Man knows him best.

"…Stop that," he says. "The repairs will be expensive."

Sasuke isn’t quite sure how to respond, because he’s pretty sure the last thing That Man should be caring about at this point is property damage.

(He takes it as an insult.)


	5. Chapter 5

((Today I write while waiting for club office hours even though somebody should be here why does this keep happening to me.))

When Sasuke leaves, he isn’t surprised by the group of genin chasing him. Well, he’s a little surprised that the Hokage sent genin, but he isn’t surprised that it was _those_ genin.

He stands at the top of one of the statues, looking across the waterfall and towards the blonde that stands on the other side. Words are exchanged, and even if Sasuke couldn’t hear what the blonde had to say, he would have been able to fill in the blanks.

They fight, and Sasuke feels both breathless and exhilarated at the same time. It’s almost as if he’s getting a taste of what it will be like to fight That Man. After all, Naruto has always been somewhat of a brother to him.

When Naruto is unconscious, Sasuke isn’t quite sure why he lingers. Maybe part of him is conceded for the blonde. He didn’t kill him, did he? No, he can see Naruto breathing, and he wonders if he would decide to stay if it stopped.

But it doesn’t, and Sasuke stands up to leave. He turns around, but something tells him to look back one more time at his teammate.

Naruto’s eyes are just barely open. He can’t move. Sasuke could leave whenever he wanted, but instead, he stays to hear what Naruto has to say.

"Stop that," he whispers, his voice barely audible through the rain. "Stop leaving."

This time, Sasuke knows exactly how to respond.

"No."


	6. Chapter 6

Two and a half years ago, Sasuke fought Naruto at the Valley of the End. He remembers the day well. The scars make it hard to forget, not that he would without them.

For two and a half years, he refuses to let his mind linger in the past. He has an ambition, and with every passing day he gets one step closer.

The hideouts are all the same - hidden underground in the middle of nowhere and damp in most places. Orochimaru has subordinates overseeing all of them, and Sasuke takes a mental note of a handful of them. The Sannin’s experiments are sick and twisted, but they bear fruit. He plans to make use of those ones some day.

The days are all the same, too - three meals, merciless training, and the occasional medical examination. It almost becomes a chore, but then again, striving to fulfill an ambition isn’t exactly a leisurely hobby.

Today is different. Today, there are visitors, and Sasuke has a good idea who they might be.

Somebody disturbs him in his sleep. He instinctively draws his sword, but not in self-defense. Sasuke is never the one on defense.

The room crumbles with a loud explosion of chakra. He senses more chakra presences rushing towards him, but he focuses only on the one before him.

“So, this is my replacement,” he says.

Sasuke stares at a pale shinobi with eyes and hair as dark as his own. The replacement looks back with a vacant smile - one void of any genuine emotion.

"You must be Sasuke-kun," the replacement smiles. More footsteps approach the area. In the few seconds it takes for the others to arrive, Sasuke contemplates leaving. His hesitation leaves him face to face with his former teammates. 

 "Is that...?" Sakura whispers. 

 "Sasuke..." Naruto says just as quietly.

No more words need to be spoken. In a blink of an eye, Sasuke is inches away from Naruto. His katana is drawn, and he looks ready to strike, but he doesn’t. Instead, he sees what was inside the boy who he once called a friend - the demon he was once shunned for, and is the source of his insurmountable strength.

The Kyuubi is like nothing he had ever seen before. Its overwhelming chakra is suffocating, and its presence could suck the breath out of anyone, but not Sasuke. He remains unfazed, and just as soon as he saw it, the Kyuubi was gone, eradicated by a mere clench of his fist.

He blinks, and he is being countered by that wood user, Yamato. Sasuke retreats back to the top of the cliff and raises his hand. He doesn’t hesitate to attack his former teammates - the ones who allowed themselves to love and care for him no matter how many times he refused to return the sentiment.

Somebody grabs his wrist. He looks over and locks eyes with Orochimaru.

“Stop that.”

Sasuke isn’t sure what to think, because he was pretty sure the well being of some Konoha shinobi are the least of Orochimaru’s concerns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one isn't really all that different from what happened in canon tbh


End file.
